Hunger

Mood: empty, hungry, craving, yearning, avid, voracious, rapacious, or simply insatiated

I feel like I have an insatiable hunger for something that I cannot figure out. Whatever it is, I will not wait and find out. I am feeling extrememly obese already, thank you very much, and do not wish to get anymore....large. I have been told to be very thin, same as my closest friend and the only one who can read this anyhow. I've reached two quick conclusions that either I'm partly anorexic and hallucinating, or I'm delusional and everyone is lying.

No matter the case, I still feel so uncomfortable being "healthy". Even though I'm told to be underweight or, in younger peer's case, normal, I am extremely irritated to be 50kg. I hate it. I know that I'm capable of dropping down to 48 if I wish, but I have an issue. Not only do I have low blood pressure, but it causes me to be rather dizzy at times. For example, when I'm sitting and suddenly stand up or anything in resemblance, I cannot really see anything. My eyes only see darkness for a while as my head spins. I still feel quite uncomfortable even when the shower is over. Regardless of anything, I really do not like this "healthy, normal" feeling. I will be very solemn in my next explorations, Fitness for Life, as it exercises me, and secretly -- eat less. Eating a lot of meat related substances vexes me -- literally. I lack the enjoyment in things such as whip cream too. I honestly plan to skip lunch and do not intend to go down to the cafeteria from here on. I do admit, that my problem may be that I have the craving to be thinner than everyone. However, that is a useless dream as my outer area of my body (with the exception of my upper arms) are at their limit to almost the bone. I can only thin myself from the inside to out now. I am aware that this isn't a good thing for me, but I hate being so "obese".

~微笑 艾多掄