Mood: irritated, troubled, vexed, disturbed, bothered, or simply annoyed
I felt too lazy to bother with changing my usual blog colors, so I left it the way it was.
After checking my best friend, yes you, Tainted (hah, talking back with same manner *how rude!* XD)'s blog, I did comment (finally!) and once again, my sister began to act all bishy and superior to me. But I think it's just because she can play the violin and I can't. She even tells me I need a boyfriend. Ha, oh sure, I can't live without one. Whatever. Well, I was THRILLED and satisfied with today's update of Claymore and D. Gray-Man. Claymore especially.
Yet what happens to irk me most, turns out to be that they haven't sent me the email for my buddy yet! It's already July and almost school in what? 3 weeks! Other people have gotten it, but I haven't. Even Kasey, Emily, and Jiggy have it and moi? Uh...no. I did see an unfamiliar email today, thinking it could be my buddy, it turned out it was my uncle. Ha. My own uncle.
And dude. The penguin boy has an Acer laptop? Sweet. Better if Toshiba though.
~Luci
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Hunger
Mood: empty, hungry, craving, yearning, avid, voracious, rapacious, or simply insatiated
I feel like I have an insatiable hunger for something that I cannot figure out. Whatever it is, I will not wait and find out. I am feeling extrememly obese already, thank you very much, and do not wish to get anymore....large. I have been told to be very thin, same as my closest friend and the only one who can read this anyhow. I've reached two quick conclusions that either I'm partly anorexic and hallucinating, or I'm delusional and everyone is lying.
No matter the case, I still feel so uncomfortable being "healthy". Even though I'm told to be underweight or, in younger peer's case, normal, I am extremely irritated to be 50kg. I hate it. I know that I'm capable of dropping down to 48 if I wish, but I have an issue. Not only do I have low blood pressure, but it causes me to be rather dizzy at times. For example, when I'm sitting and suddenly stand up or anything in resemblance, I cannot really see anything. My eyes only see darkness for a while as my head spins. I still feel quite uncomfortable even when the shower is over. Regardless of anything, I really do not like this "healthy, normal" feeling. I will be very solemn in my next explorations, Fitness for Life, as it exercises me, and secretly -- eat less. Eating a lot of meat related substances vexes me -- literally. I lack the enjoyment in things such as whip cream too. I honestly plan to skip lunch and do not intend to go down to the cafeteria from here on. I do admit, that my problem may be that I have the craving to be thinner than everyone. However, that is a useless dream as my outer area of my body (with the exception of my upper arms) are at their limit to almost the bone. I can only thin myself from the inside to out now. I am aware that this isn't a good thing for me, but I hate being so "obese".
~微笑 艾多掄
I feel like I have an insatiable hunger for something that I cannot figure out. Whatever it is, I will not wait and find out. I am feeling extrememly obese already, thank you very much, and do not wish to get anymore....large. I have been told to be very thin, same as my closest friend and the only one who can read this anyhow. I've reached two quick conclusions that either I'm partly anorexic and hallucinating, or I'm delusional and everyone is lying.
No matter the case, I still feel so uncomfortable being "healthy". Even though I'm told to be underweight or, in younger peer's case, normal, I am extremely irritated to be 50kg. I hate it. I know that I'm capable of dropping down to 48 if I wish, but I have an issue. Not only do I have low blood pressure, but it causes me to be rather dizzy at times. For example, when I'm sitting and suddenly stand up or anything in resemblance, I cannot really see anything. My eyes only see darkness for a while as my head spins. I still feel quite uncomfortable even when the shower is over. Regardless of anything, I really do not like this "healthy, normal" feeling. I will be very solemn in my next explorations, Fitness for Life, as it exercises me, and secretly -- eat less. Eating a lot of meat related substances vexes me -- literally. I lack the enjoyment in things such as whip cream too. I honestly plan to skip lunch and do not intend to go down to the cafeteria from here on. I do admit, that my problem may be that I have the craving to be thinner than everyone. However, that is a useless dream as my outer area of my body (with the exception of my upper arms) are at their limit to almost the bone. I can only thin myself from the inside to out now. I am aware that this isn't a good thing for me, but I hate being so "obese".
~微笑 艾多掄
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Vexation
Mood: too many to say but simply vexed
At the honest fact that I really do like my friends, some of them often vex me. Obviously I kept this blog private so that I could only expose my honest feelings to Tainted and don't want this to get out. One friend in particular, extremely annoyed me today. My mother did mention that she appeared to talk about herself overboard. I studied her ways these two days and it really was true. Not only that, but even though she may appear to be my second "best friend", I hate how inconsiderate and filled with greed she is. It seriously annoys me.
Now people might notice a little that lately prefer being by myself on quite a few times. During those times are when I take the time to think my actions and my experiences of the day over. Her real name I obviously won't say, but I'll put it as the "Glass Doll". I felt so pricklish when today, the Glass Doll told me to turn around. When I did, I was shocked to see her leg over Zack's and he was swinging it. The Glass Doll may have called it leg exercise, but I was aghast. I didn't know how to react, just seeing it. I was horrified at what she was doing. I simply told her that it was disgusting. Why? Why didn't I say anything or do anything? Because I'm so weak. I hate how I'm so mentally weak. I kept turning around to check if she was still doing it, and even though her leg was back at her side, I was still so terrified. I never flirted with Sephiroth nor Sora. I never played around with them. I never loved them. I never did any of those things to the people my friends like. Later she called me over just to comment on how Zack's leg looked when it was crossed over the other. Holy shit do I care. I don't care that it looks like a chicken wing. Spare. Other. People. Some. Fucking. Dignity. I hate how inconsiderate she is. I don't care that she lost something. I don't care that she thinks someone looks like something. I don't care that a classmate's asleep. I know I'm not supposed to mind about the leg thing, but even though he isn't mine or anything, it bothers me to think that she's flirting with him. I mean, what kind of person invades another's privacy and puts their leg over another person's??? Oh, I sit next to Sephiroth and diagonal to Axel. SO WHAT? I don't flirt the hell with them! To me, Axel's just a friend! Sephiroth is NOTHING to me! I was just depressed enough at the assembly when they didn't even bother to call me over to sit with them just because she wanted to sit there. I kept turning around to see if she even cared but obviously, as long as she's in the center of her friends, she doesn't care. I really don't want her to know, otherwise I would have made this public and let her know my blog. I don't hate her but "Oh the teenage immaturity".
~微笑 艾多掄
At the honest fact that I really do like my friends, some of them often vex me. Obviously I kept this blog private so that I could only expose my honest feelings to Tainted and don't want this to get out. One friend in particular, extremely annoyed me today. My mother did mention that she appeared to talk about herself overboard. I studied her ways these two days and it really was true. Not only that, but even though she may appear to be my second "best friend", I hate how inconsiderate and filled with greed she is. It seriously annoys me.
Now people might notice a little that lately prefer being by myself on quite a few times. During those times are when I take the time to think my actions and my experiences of the day over. Her real name I obviously won't say, but I'll put it as the "Glass Doll". I felt so pricklish when today, the Glass Doll told me to turn around. When I did, I was shocked to see her leg over Zack's and he was swinging it. The Glass Doll may have called it leg exercise, but I was aghast. I didn't know how to react, just seeing it. I was horrified at what she was doing. I simply told her that it was disgusting. Why? Why didn't I say anything or do anything? Because I'm so weak. I hate how I'm so mentally weak. I kept turning around to check if she was still doing it, and even though her leg was back at her side, I was still so terrified. I never flirted with Sephiroth nor Sora. I never played around with them. I never loved them. I never did any of those things to the people my friends like. Later she called me over just to comment on how Zack's leg looked when it was crossed over the other. Holy shit do I care. I don't care that it looks like a chicken wing. Spare. Other. People. Some. Fucking. Dignity. I hate how inconsiderate she is. I don't care that she lost something. I don't care that she thinks someone looks like something. I don't care that a classmate's asleep. I know I'm not supposed to mind about the leg thing, but even though he isn't mine or anything, it bothers me to think that she's flirting with him. I mean, what kind of person invades another's privacy and puts their leg over another person's??? Oh, I sit next to Sephiroth and diagonal to Axel. SO WHAT? I don't flirt the hell with them! To me, Axel's just a friend! Sephiroth is NOTHING to me! I was just depressed enough at the assembly when they didn't even bother to call me over to sit with them just because she wanted to sit there. I kept turning around to see if she even cared but obviously, as long as she's in the center of her friends, she doesn't care. I really don't want her to know, otherwise I would have made this public and let her know my blog. I don't hate her but "Oh the teenage immaturity".
~微笑 艾多掄
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Chase
Mood: fatigued, exhausted, worn out, faint, droopy, haggard, weary, or simply tired
It turns out that I must choose either Earth Science or Introduction to Chemestry and Physics for Science, and Algebra 1 or Geometry with Proof. Earth Science and Algebra 1 are the simpler one while ITC and Geometry w/ Proof are the more advanced. I know for sure that I will choose Algebra 1. However, due to both friendship and enviromental ability, I cannot choose Earth Science or ITC. I am a visual learner and am not good at math. That would be pro for Earth Science and con for ITC. I do not like homework, hands-on learning, study about our habitat, and loud enviroments. That would be con for Earth Science and pro for ITC. I can't seem to choose.
On the other hand, I'll worry about it later. I wonder why everytime I take a hot-pack to school, someone must always take it away and I have to get it back. Today was Zack. How terrific. I know, since from experience from last time that Zack's grip is mega-hard. It's almostimpossible to defeat without assistance from others. Well, he is a boy afterall. First, I threw the hot-pack at him because I thought he was walking away. I didn't want him to leave when it wasn't even time yet. Yes, I do plan everything I do...well...almost everything. He turned around, hung up on his cell phone and stepped. on. my. hot. pack. Rawr. My hot-pack. So yes. Soon it turned into manual fight over it which was so hard because he would sometimes turn around so I can't get at it. Terrificly-tall-Tyki-teme. (*New vocab from Tainted: teme = bastard) I threatened to bite him too. And even though Tainted was holding my jacket and all, she and Timcanpy (project-jmj.blogspot.com) were commenting things that had the word "boyfriend" or "couple's fight". Rawr. They will never live to see the daylight again >D jk. I have to admit...his hand felt very....nice. (Omfg, Smile, that's so disgusting. Noting his hand's texture when you're fighting your heart out for your packy. What if he has claws?)
~微笑 艾多掄
It turns out that I must choose either Earth Science or Introduction to Chemestry and Physics for Science, and Algebra 1 or Geometry with Proof. Earth Science and Algebra 1 are the simpler one while ITC and Geometry w/ Proof are the more advanced. I know for sure that I will choose Algebra 1. However, due to both friendship and enviromental ability, I cannot choose Earth Science or ITC. I am a visual learner and am not good at math. That would be pro for Earth Science and con for ITC. I do not like homework, hands-on learning, study about our habitat, and loud enviroments. That would be con for Earth Science and pro for ITC. I can't seem to choose.
On the other hand, I'll worry about it later. I wonder why everytime I take a hot-pack to school, someone must always take it away and I have to get it back. Today was Zack. How terrific. I know, since from experience from last time that Zack's grip is mega-hard. It's almostimpossible to defeat without assistance from others. Well, he is a boy afterall. First, I threw the hot-pack at him because I thought he was walking away. I didn't want him to leave when it wasn't even time yet. Yes, I do plan everything I do...well...almost everything. He turned around, hung up on his cell phone and stepped. on. my. hot. pack. Rawr. My hot-pack. So yes. Soon it turned into manual fight over it which was so hard because he would sometimes turn around so I can't get at it. Terrificly-tall-Tyki-teme. (*New vocab from Tainted: teme = bastard) I threatened to bite him too. And even though Tainted was holding my jacket and all, she and Timcanpy (project-jmj.blogspot.com) were commenting things that had the word "boyfriend" or "couple's fight". Rawr. They will never live to see the daylight again >D jk. I have to admit...his hand felt very....nice. (Omfg, Smile, that's so disgusting. Noting his hand's texture when you're fighting your heart out for your packy. What if he has claws?)
~微笑 艾多掄
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Competition
Mood: contesting, disputing, emulating, equal, opposed, striving, vying, or simply competitive
I have to admit that Upper School will be challenging. I feel like that I must compete to get what I want to take. Ceramics and Geometry do seem to work out. I hope that the Humanities classes are very literate in poetry. I'm only an average Junior Highschooler as you can obviously see. Not like I will reveal anymore about myself. Thinking about it, those who have to rely on me so often, I realize will most likely fail. They have to rely so much that they become so dependent. They will always depend on others, having no ability to understand anything by themselves. It will be hard, and thus, I must be independent.
According to a certain story I've read, if the person you love is happy, you are happy; when they smile, you feel like crying. Is this thing true? I don't know. I know that the first is true. So true. I've forgotten everything else. Perhaps I should remind myself again. Everytime I am aware of his presence, I honestly feel like my heart hurts. Not heart-broken, it just aches. Perhaps...it really is it.
~微笑 艾多掄
I have to admit that Upper School will be challenging. I feel like that I must compete to get what I want to take. Ceramics and Geometry do seem to work out. I hope that the Humanities classes are very literate in poetry. I'm only an average Junior Highschooler as you can obviously see. Not like I will reveal anymore about myself. Thinking about it, those who have to rely on me so often, I realize will most likely fail. They have to rely so much that they become so dependent. They will always depend on others, having no ability to understand anything by themselves. It will be hard, and thus, I must be independent.
According to a certain story I've read, if the person you love is happy, you are happy; when they smile, you feel like crying. Is this thing true? I don't know. I know that the first is true. So true. I've forgotten everything else. Perhaps I should remind myself again. Everytime I am aware of his presence, I honestly feel like my heart hurts. Not heart-broken, it just aches. Perhaps...it really is it.
~微笑 艾多掄
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Love
Mood: funny, strange, silly, obscure, twisted, un-normal, or simply wierd.
A few days ago while working on the labs, I was working with a classmate of mine. Shh. Honestly, I don't like her, because I think she's a slacker. Anyhow, I was working on it alone because she had to "break". And I? Here I was, waiting for the liquid to drip up. Upon seeing a person standing beside me and having felt this presence so many times before, I looked up to see the face of...well, we'll call him Zack here. I asked him why he was here and that he should go out to break like all the other people. I couldn't believe my ears at his reply. Guess what? He said he didn't have anything else to do at break. I was just shocked and watched the potassium iodine and lead nitrate seep through the filter. He stood next to me the whole time and never left. I was so... awed. He even told my partner that she should assist me in doing it. What was most delightful about it was that even though he could have left me alone to do it, he stayed with me the entire time. Yes, I am aware of being repetetive. I'm not saying that I am his favorite friend or anything, but just that he surprised me by being with me. Most of the time, he hangs out with the rest of my friends, but that day, he didn't follow them outdoors or to the library like we usually do.
I do admit to have dreamed about him sometimes. Yes, I really do like him a lot. I don't know whether it's brother-sister or....that. Coincidentally we share the sma last name. I can feel myself melt everytime I see him though. Like when I had a dream I hugged Zack from behind and he turned around and kissed my cheek. I could feel his hair in my face and it was so warm. He'd never do that though XD. But I dreamt that because before I slept, I kissed my rabbit. My rabbit is the light of my life.
I really like Zack anyhow. He's just so...much to me =)
~微笑 艾多掄
A few days ago while working on the labs, I was working with a classmate of mine. Shh. Honestly, I don't like her, because I think she's a slacker. Anyhow, I was working on it alone because she had to "break". And I? Here I was, waiting for the liquid to drip up. Upon seeing a person standing beside me and having felt this presence so many times before, I looked up to see the face of...well, we'll call him Zack here. I asked him why he was here and that he should go out to break like all the other people. I couldn't believe my ears at his reply. Guess what? He said he didn't have anything else to do at break. I was just shocked and watched the potassium iodine and lead nitrate seep through the filter. He stood next to me the whole time and never left. I was so... awed. He even told my partner that she should assist me in doing it. What was most delightful about it was that even though he could have left me alone to do it, he stayed with me the entire time. Yes, I am aware of being repetetive. I'm not saying that I am his favorite friend or anything, but just that he surprised me by being with me. Most of the time, he hangs out with the rest of my friends, but that day, he didn't follow them outdoors or to the library like we usually do.
I do admit to have dreamed about him sometimes. Yes, I really do like him a lot. I don't know whether it's brother-sister or....that. Coincidentally we share the sma last name. I can feel myself melt everytime I see him though. Like when I had a dream I hugged Zack from behind and he turned around and kissed my cheek. I could feel his hair in my face and it was so warm. He'd never do that though XD. But I dreamt that because before I slept, I kissed my rabbit. My rabbit is the light of my life.
I really like Zack anyhow. He's just so...much to me =)
~微笑 艾多掄
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Shame
Mood: guilty, ashamed, dishonor, disgraceful, failure, iniquity, regretful, remorseful, or simply wronged
I feel so upset. I've let slip to a person at school who possibly gossips 24/7 that I used to like a very kind boy. She warned me not to tell him after I told, but I didn't cover up with anything like "Haha, you fell for it" or "I was just joking" or "Oh sh...nap." How could I? Now I am in such depressed state that I can't bring myself to think of anything else. I don't want him to get hurt by the gossip-to-be. I am seriously so depressed that I am willing to spread something more valued to him than let this run out.
WHY COULDN'T I KEEP MY FRIGGIN' MOUTH SHUT?!?!?! Now I've caused myself such pain. From now on, I solemnly swear to my life that I won't talk unless I seriously need to or if someone asks me about anything. My mouth has been the cause of such disasters and I won't let it run chatting again. I am probably known by some people to say things very short like "Oh." "Ah..." "Uhm." "Okay." HOW COULD I???? I want to murder myself but suicide is selfish unless it's for someone else. But then again, there's a word for it called self-sacrifice. I want to dig myself into a hole and stay there until I'm absolutely sure that the world is once again safe for me to return to the surface.
~微笑 艾多掄
I feel so upset. I've let slip to a person at school who possibly gossips 24/7 that I used to like a very kind boy. She warned me not to tell him after I told, but I didn't cover up with anything like "Haha, you fell for it" or "I was just joking" or "Oh sh...nap." How could I? Now I am in such depressed state that I can't bring myself to think of anything else. I don't want him to get hurt by the gossip-to-be. I am seriously so depressed that I am willing to spread something more valued to him than let this run out.
WHY COULDN'T I KEEP MY FRIGGIN' MOUTH SHUT?!?!?! Now I've caused myself such pain. From now on, I solemnly swear to my life that I won't talk unless I seriously need to or if someone asks me about anything. My mouth has been the cause of such disasters and I won't let it run chatting again. I am probably known by some people to say things very short like "Oh." "Ah..." "Uhm." "Okay." HOW COULD I???? I want to murder myself but suicide is selfish unless it's for someone else. But then again, there's a word for it called self-sacrifice. I want to dig myself into a hole and stay there until I'm absolutely sure that the world is once again safe for me to return to the surface.
~微笑 艾多掄
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
